I took this picture over a year ago on one of my last mornings living in Portland. Fisher and I were on a walk and stumbled upon these little heart leaves that dotted our path the whole way home. Yesterday I got back from a few days in Portland. It was the first time I had been back since I moved to Georgia last year.
I was curious how I would feel. I lived in Portland for 12 years and Seattle for a few years prior. I love the Pacific Northwest. I have amazing friends, colleagues and memories in that part of the country. I wondered if I’d have a hard time leaving, if somehow my thoughts or feelings about Georgia would change.
Moving to Georgia was big. It was a move of opposing forces. It was both weighty and also the simplest decision I’ve ever made. I could tell it made almost everyone feel uneasy, yet there was also a lot of excitement for Stephen and me. I was giving up roots and stability to move somewhere completely new. The climate was going to be changing–both politically and weather-ily (totally a word).
As I was flying home yesterday, 30,000 feet up in the air with my only distraction being the question of whether or not I should watch Anchorman again, I looked out the window and thought about how I carry both places with me, along with everywhere I’ve been.
And this is the wonder, the thing I keep coming back to. Even though everything is different, it’s all the same. It doesn’t matter where I am. I love the Northwest and I love Georgia. I love cool weather and I hate the heat. I love sunny mornings and Saturdays, people who are thoughtful, kind and care about others and their community. I hate close-mindedness in all of its forms. I both love and hate that I was so careful for so long. When opportunity presented itself, I could take a risk and be just fine but what else have I missed out on by waiting?
The three of us walk now. Around the lake we crunch through golden leaves made brighter by dappled sunshine. We talk. We plan. We crack jokes and then stumble upon hearts that dot our path here too. We stop for a moment to appreciate them before moving along quietly. We’ve picked up something new to carry.
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
from i carry your heart with me